Dear Abby: My boyfriend of five years claims that he is not yet ‘ready’ for marriage

Dear ABBY: I just turned 29 years old. My partner Jeremy and I have been together for six years and have discussed getting engaged. He set the time limit for when he would propose early in our relationship – at “five or 30” (meaning either we’ve been together for five years or he hits 30). Both of these signs hit last year and I was waiting for him to propose, but it didn’t happen. I’m annoyed because people keep asking me, “Why not?” I don’t have an answer, except that Jeremy just isn’t ready.

He told me he wants to pay off some debt before buying a ring, but we are both saving and living well below our means, and I don’t want anything expensive. Jeremy is focused on his physical training and hobbies. I’m ready to buy a house, get married, maybe even start a family, but I feel like we’re stuck in the post-college lifestyle.

I’ve told Jeremy all of the above several times now, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Otherwise, he tells me that the commitment is already there and that he will get to a place where he feels he is ready. He also told me that the only reason he would ever propose is because I love him – because there is no meaning or joy to it!

I am confused and worried that there is something wrong with me that I feel this way. All my friends are married. They have bought houses and are starting families. I’m tired of waiting for this train to come in and I’m angry that it didn’t stick to the schedule. Now I’m not sure I should say yes, even if he asks. So do I run for the hills or trust him to keep his word? He has always been honest with me. – WAIT AND WAIT

DEAR HOST: When a man tells you that marriage has no meaning or joy for him and that he will propose when he feels ready, but he is not yet ready in five years, you have some important decisions to make about your future. Trying to get a marriage proposal out of him because your friends are all married and have families doesn’t guarantee that your union will be a happy one.

Tell Jeremy, who seems to operate in different time zones, that marriage is very important to you and he hasn’t kept his word for the past five years. Then move on, so you won’t write another one five years for the same problem.

Dear ABBY: Please help me save a very old friendship. I have a friend who won’t let me finish a story, comment, or reply. When I tried to be polite and said, “Please let me finish,” she got upset. We went out to lunch with another friend recently, and she did it again! How do I politely ask her to wait her turn? – WORDS IN EDGEWISE

DEAR WORD: Said in plain English wouldn’t hurt. Do it right after you ask this woman why she feels the need to cut you off. (If the answer is that you’ve been talking too long, you’ll need to edit either your friends list — or your story.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.