Dear ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 10 years and in a relationship for 20 years. I just found out that for more than a year he has been lying about working.
He claimed to have a part-time contracting job and was using our savings to pass off as income from this fictitious job.
Last year we made many financial decisions based on the assumption that he was employed, which left us in a difficult situation.
He initially denied it when I confronted him and even provided fake documents for his “job” before he finally came out.
I’m feeling a lot of emotions because of this betrayal and I’m not sure how to move on. Can you guide me? – CRAZY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR DUPED: Your husband may be embarrassed about losing his job, which is why he cheated on you. What was he doing when he was supposedly working?
His problems (and yours) may go beyond the financial obligation you are in now. Is your husband trying to find another job? Why did you let him go?
Contact a CPA or financial advisor and ask what you need to do to get back on solid financial footing.
You didn’t mention if you’re employed, but if you’re not, it’s time to get a job. Once this is done, marriage counseling is essential.
Dear ABBY: My last parent died 24 years ago and my siblings went their separate ways. We were not close in our junior years.
I’m the youngest, so it was very difficult for me to suddenly not have a birth family, so to speak.
A couple of years ago, my estranged brother and I reconnected. We have a lot in common and my husband and kids really like her.
The problem is that when he’s been drinking, he calls me horrible names. It hurts me because I don’t know why. It can be a great day and then suddenly something derails it.
I want to tell him something, but I’d hate to make him mad and have our sibling relationship be sidelined again.
I feel like anything I’m thinking of saying will hurt our friendship. I need some sound advice and I promise to take it. — CONFLICTED SIS
DEAR SIS: I hope you understand that what you have described is one of the classic symptoms of alcoholism.
The next time you and your brother get together and there’s alcohol, hit the record button on your phone so you can play it to him when he’s sober.
Then tell him that in the future you’d prefer him not to drink anything stronger than punch when you’re together.
DEAR ABBY: I have always been attached to my significant other’s parent. But now I am more emotionally attached to them than to my boyfriend.
Is this healthy, or am I cheating on my SO? — CONFUSED IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR CONFUSED: When you wrote “emotionally attached,” did you mean that you have more in common with your SO’s parent than your SO, or that you are physically attracted? If it’s the latter, end the romance.
If you don’t, it will wreak havoc on your SO’s family and likely won’t end well for either of you.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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